In this episode of AI Love Lab, we explore the third of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages: Receiving Gifts. Discover how gift-giving transcends cultures as a fundamental expression of love. Learn how even small, thoughtful gifts can fill your partner’s emotional love tank. Whether it’s an inexpensive token, a handmade creation, or the intangible gift of presence, the act of giving can powerfully communicate love in a way words sometimes can’t. Tune in to understand why gifts hold emotional significance and how to become a proficient gift-giver.
Transcript
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Ok buckle up, because we're diving deep into a topic that's woven into the fabric of
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human experience.
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Gift-giving.
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I mean, it's everywhere right?
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Throughout history, across cultures.
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It really is universal.
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Anthropologists have found evidence of gift-giving in every culture they've studied.
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It's remarkable.
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It makes you wonder why is that?
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What is it about giving gifts that's so fundamental to being human?
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That's a great question.
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And, you know there's a fascinating story about anthropologist Gary Chapman himself
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While he was studying the carib Indians on this island, Dominica, they actually presented
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him with a freshly cut coconut as like a gesture of welcome and friendship.
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A coconut?
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That's not your average welcome gift!
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And it perfectly illustrates the point.
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It wasn't about the coconut itself, it was the thought behind it.
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And that gets to the heart of gift-giving as a love language.
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It's about recognizing what your partner needs and showing them you care enough to
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put in the effort.
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Let's talk about this idea of love languages.
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Some people listening might be new to that term, what does it actually mean?
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Well, at its core, it means we all experience and express love in different ways.
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For some, it's words of affirmation, for others, quality time.
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And for some, it's those tangible tokens of affection gifts.
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You know how children instinctively give gifts.
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Oh, absolutely!
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They bring home a little dandelion, or a shiny rock because to them it's precious and they
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want to share it with someone they love.
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It's so true!
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Their way of saying, I thought of you.
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Yes, exactly.
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And then as we get older those gestures evolve, they become more symbolic, what's the classic
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example, what's the ultimate symbolic gift?
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Wedding rings.
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Wedding rings, exactly!
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They really are a powerful symbol of love and commitment.
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And even in breakups and when a relationship's ending, taking off those rings is just loaded,
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isn't it?
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It's like this huge weight of emotion but without saying a word.
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You know, there's this very poignant story in Chapman's book that illustrates this
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perfectly.
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A husband described how, during an argument his wife, she throws her wedding rings at
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him and he said he couldn't bring himself to pick them up for two days.
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And then when he finally did, he just, he couldn't stop crying.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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It really highlights how much emotion we attach to these objects.
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It's like, they become vessels for our feelings and experiences.
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Absolutely.
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And like all love languages, the importance of receiving gifts, it differs from person
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to person.
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Right.
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Some people it's central to how they feel loved.
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Others, not so much.
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Have you ever gotten a gift and it was just so you?
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Like the person giving it just got you.
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Oh, for sure.
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And it really does make you feel seen, doesn't it?
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Like, really understood.
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And what's funny is that it doesn't even have to be a big expensive thing.
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You're so right.
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The best gifts aren't always about the cost.
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Sometimes it's a handmade gift.
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An experience you share.
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Even a handwritten note can mean the world.
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It's all about speaking the other person's love language.
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And you know, for some people that might be acts of service, right?
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Or words of affirmation.
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Totally.
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Speaking of those more like tangible gifts, there's the story in the book, Jim and Janice,
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that really gets at this.
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Janice is feeling completely unloved, like Jim's just not getting her.
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And what's interesting is that Jim thinks he's doing everything right.
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He's providing for the family.
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They have a nice home.
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But he's missing something.
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He's not speaking her love language.
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Exactly.
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He's just clueless about the fact that Janice, she needs those tangible expressions of love.
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She needs those gifts.
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But here's the thing.
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There's a turning point in their relationship.
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Jim starts giving Janice the small, consistent gifts.
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So not these huge grand gestures, but just these little everyday things.
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Yeah.
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Love that.
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And it's a world of difference because it shows Janice that Jim is making the effort.
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He's trying to learn her language.
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That reminds me there's this great tip in the book about giving small, consistent gifts.
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You ever tried that?
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Yeah.
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It's definitely worth trying.
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Especially if you know that's something your partner values.
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Those little gestures can be surprisingly powerful.
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For sure.
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And speaking of powerful gestures, what about the idea of the gift itself.
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I feel like we don't talk about that enough.
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You're so right.
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Sometimes the most precious thing you can give someone is just being there, especially
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when times are tough.
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There's this really powerful story in the book about this woman, her husband, they'd
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just passed away and she asks her supervisor for the day off, to go to the funeral, and
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the supervisor, get this, tells her she'll lose her job if she does.
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No way!
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Are you serious?
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That's awful.
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It's just heartbreaking.
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But, you know what?
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Her response is incredible.
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She just looks at her supervisor and says, my husband is more important than my job,
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you know?
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Good for her.
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She knew her priorities.
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Being there for her husband, even in his passing, that was what mattered.
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Absolutely.
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And, that takes a lot of courage, too.
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And it's a good reminder that sometimes the best gift we can give really is our time,
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our attention, our presence.
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But, it does make you wonder, why is it so hard for some people to give love in the way
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their partner needs?
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Have you noticed that?
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Right.
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And, that's why communication is just essential.
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I mean, if receiving gifts is your primary love language, you can't just assume your
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partner will magically know that, you have to tell them.
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Yeah, you can't expect them to be a mind reader.
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Exactly.
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Chapman really emphasizes this.
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Clear communication, it's key to any strong relationship, but especially when it comes
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to like, really understanding each other's needs, you know, emotionally.
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So, are there any practical tips in the book like, if someone wants to get better at this
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whole gift-giving thing, where do they start?
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Oh, definitely.
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Chapman gives a ton of great advice.
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He even calls them like practical tips for becoming fluent in the love language of gifts.
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I love that.
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What are some of them?
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Yeah, one that I think is really fun, he calls it a parade of gifts.
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A parade.
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OK.
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I am intrigued.
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Tell me more.
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So, it's basically surprising your partner throughout the day with little tokens of affection.
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Like you could leave them like, I don't know, some other favorite candy in the morning.
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OK.
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I'm already on board.
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What's next?
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Then you could maybe have some flowers delivered to them in the afternoon, unless they have
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allergies, of course.
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And then in the evening, surprise them with something they've had their eye on.
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You know, like, it's all about sprinkling those little gestures throughout the day just
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to show you're thinking of them.
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It's like saying, I love you, all day long, not just once.
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Yes, exactly.
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And the best part is it doesn't have to break the bank.
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It's truly the thought that counts.
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So true.
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Speaking of thoughtful gifts, what are some other ways to make gift-giving more meaningful?
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Besides the parade, there's got to be more.
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Right.
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Well, Tobin talks about this idea of letting nature be your guide.
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Okay.
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What does that even mean?
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So like next time you're out for a walk or at the beach, just keep an eye out for something
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you know, special.
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Something you could bring back for your partner.
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Oh, I like that.
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It's like finding little treasures in unexpected places.
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Exactly.
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Then maybe it's a unique stone or a beautiful feather or an interesting piece of driftwood.
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Something like that.
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Doesn't have to be anything fancy, but the fact that you saw it and thought of them makes
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it special.
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That is so true.
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It shows your present.
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You're paying attention.
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And you could even like attach a deeper meaning to it, you know, like this stone represents
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the strength of our love or whatever.
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I love that it becomes more than just an object then.
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Right?
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It represents something deeper.
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Exactly.
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It's all about the thought behind it.
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The intention.
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You know what else I love?
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Handmade gifts.
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There's something so special about those.
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Oh, for sure.
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Chapman's a big advocate for creating something yourself too.
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He even talks about, like, taking a class to learn a new skill.
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Imagine giving someone a gift that you put your heart and soul into making.
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I mean, that would be a treasured possession, a reminder of the effort, the love behind
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it.
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It really becomes a symbol of your love.
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All that time and effort.
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Exactly.
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And, you know, that actually reminds me of another tip from the book.
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Give your partner a gift every day for a week.
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Oh, I like that.
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What a fun challenge.
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Right.
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It doesn't have to be anything big.
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Just those little gestures that show you care.
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And speaking of keeping track of things, there's another good one here.
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Chapman says, to keep a gift idea notebook.
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A gift idea notebook.
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What is that?
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So simple.
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Whenever you hear your partner mention something they like, jot it down.
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That's smart.
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So that way, you know, when a birthday or anniversary rolls around...
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Exactly.
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You've got a whole list of ideas.
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No more scrambling for last minute gifts.
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Love it.
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OK, well, what about those of us who are, shall we say, gift giving challenged?
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Any advice for us hopeless cases?
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Someone actually suggests, like phoning a friend or, well, asking someone who knows
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your partner really well.
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Maybe family member or close friend, see what ideas they have.
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That's a good tip because sometimes you just need a fresh perspective.
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Exactly.
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And honestly, who doesn't love helping to pick out the perfect gift?
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Especially when they're not the one paying for it.
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OK, so we talked earlier about the gift of presents.
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Are there any concrete ways to, I don't know, to bring more of that into our relationships?
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Definitely.
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He has this one suggestion, he calls it, offering the gift of your presence.
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At any event or occasion they might want you there for, and get this, for an entire month.
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Wow!
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Now that's commitment.
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Right.
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It could be anything from a work thing they'd normally go to alone or maybe there's an
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art exhibit they've been wanting to see, even if it's not really your thing
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It's about just showing up right, for the things that matter to them.
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Yes, being present, engaging in their life and experiences.
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Which can sometimes be the greatest gift of all.
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Well, before we wrap things up do you have like one final golden nugget of wisdom for
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us?
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Something to remember about this whole love language of gifts?
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You know, I do.
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Give your partner a book on a topic they're interested in, something they really want
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to read.
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And here's the key, read it too, that way you can discuss it together.
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Oh I love that.
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It's like creating a shared experience.
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But through reading.
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Right.
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People truly interested in their passions.
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Yeah.
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That's not just about the gift itself but about connecting on a deeper level.
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So well said.
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It's like learning to speak a new language, even if it doesn't come naturally at first.
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This whole deep dive has been amazing.
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We covered so much ground, the history, the psychology, all those practical tips.
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What do you hope listeners take away from all of this?
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What's the biggest thing?
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I think just remembering that gift giving when it's done right.
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It's about so much more than just like, stuff.
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It's about really understanding your partner, connecting with them and making them feel
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loved, truly loved and appreciated.
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Beautifully said.
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It's about learning to speak their love language, even if it's not our native tone.
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So on that note, what are some unique ways you can gift your presence to those you care
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about?
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It doesn't have to be anything big, remember.
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Even small gestures can speak volumes.
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Until next time.
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Keep those love tanks full.
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