Physical Touch – The Five Love Languages, Chapter 8

In this episode of AI Love Lab, we explore the final love language from The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch. Touch is a powerful emotional connector that goes beyond words. Whether it’s a simple hug, holding hands, or physical intimacy, physical touch can fill emotional love tanks like no other. We discuss real-life examples of how touch communicates love and the impact it has on relationships. For those whose love language is physical touch, this episode will provide practical tips on how to give and receive love through touch in everyday life.

Transcript

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.260
ever notice how like when things get really stressful a hug just hits

00:00:04.260 --> 00:00:07.820
different way better than words sometimes it's just like our bodies

00:00:07.820 --> 00:00:09.900
crave that physical reassurance

00:00:09.900 --> 00:00:13.680
you know totally and that's what we're diving into today that power of touch

00:00:13.680 --> 00:00:14.760
exactly

00:00:14.760 --> 00:00:18.559
we're exploring a chapter from Gary Chapman's the five love languages

00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:21.299
specifically the one on physical touch

00:00:21.299 --> 00:00:25.760
oh yeah that book i gotta admit at first glance i thought ok hugging i get it

00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:29.059
but that chapter wow it really made me think differently about all this

00:00:29.059 --> 00:00:32.560
right there's so much more to it than just a quick hug it's like a whole

00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:34.820
language of its own in relationships

00:00:34.820 --> 00:00:37.939
ok so break it down for me from like a scientific point of view

00:00:37.939 --> 00:00:40.040
what makes touch so powerful

00:00:40.040 --> 00:00:45.580
well think about this touch is the very first sense we develop as babies even in

00:00:45.580 --> 00:00:46.299
the womb

00:00:46.299 --> 00:00:50.220
yeah and there's research showing that babies who don't get enough touch

00:00:50.220 --> 00:00:53.700
they actually can have developmental issues like physically and emotionally

00:00:53.700 --> 00:00:54.900
it's pretty crucial

00:00:54.900 --> 00:00:58.040
Wow see I never made that connection before but it makes total sense of

00:00:58.040 --> 00:01:01.820
something that basic gets messed up early on it's gonna have ripple effects

00:01:01.820 --> 00:01:06.500
absolutely those early experiences they really shape how our brains understand

00:01:06.500 --> 00:01:09.559
and react to touch our whole lives

00:01:09.559 --> 00:01:14.320
so it's like we're hard wired to crave it to feel reassured by it on a deeper

00:01:14.320 --> 00:01:15.680
level then we realize

00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:19.379
exactly our bodies are covered in these things called tactile receptors

00:01:19.379 --> 00:01:20.900
right, right, like nerve endings

00:01:20.900 --> 00:01:24.959
exactly, they're picking up on pressure, temperature, textures all of it

00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:28.040
it's not just about feeling good although that's a big part

00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:30.459
these receptors send signals to our brain

00:01:30.459 --> 00:01:34.120
that affect everything, mood, how safe we feel, the works

00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:38.879
so it's more than skin deep then, it's tied into how our brains are wired

00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:42.099
exactly and this is where it gets super interesting the book talks about this

00:01:42.099 --> 00:01:46.339
couple, Pete and Patsy, they seem to have the perfect relationship on the surface

00:01:46.339 --> 00:01:51.279
but underneath there's this tension building and it all comes down to touch

00:01:51.860 --> 00:01:53.760
they're not speaking the same language

00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:56.980
okay before we get to Pete and Patsy and trust me this is juicy

00:01:56.980 --> 00:01:58.779
stuff I want to back up for a sec

00:01:58.779 --> 00:02:01.779
you mentioned earlier how touch can mean different things

00:02:01.779 --> 00:02:03.800
in different cultures

00:02:03.800 --> 00:02:05.300
yeah that's key

00:02:05.300 --> 00:02:09.699
what might be seen as friendly in one culture can be totally off-putting

00:02:09.699 --> 00:02:11.940
in another, think about personal space event

00:02:11.940 --> 00:02:14.699
yeah totally, like some cultures are all about the hugs and kisses

00:02:14.699 --> 00:02:16.139
others not so much

00:02:16.139 --> 00:02:18.919
it reminds me I'm sure we've all been there but I once went in for like,

00:02:18.919 --> 00:02:21.940
a friendly pat on the back with a co-worker and it did not go over well

00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:24.979
turns out they're not a touchy feely person

00:02:24.979 --> 00:02:26.199
awkward

00:02:26.199 --> 00:02:30.559
exactly and you can see how those cultural differences if you're not aware of them

00:02:30.559 --> 00:02:33.919
could lead to big misunderstandings in a relationship

00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:35.919
ok so back to Pete and Patsy

00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:38.160
you said they seemed great on paper

00:02:38.160 --> 00:02:40.160
but touch was a sticking point

00:02:40.160 --> 00:02:44.660
yeah and the thing is it wasn't like one was affectionate the other was ice cold

00:02:44.660 --> 00:02:46.639
they both really cared

00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:50.059
but how they showed it, how they felt love through touch

00:02:50.059 --> 00:02:51.619
that was totally different

00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:55.779
so they both mean well, just showing it in ways the other person's not really getting, huh?

00:02:55.779 --> 00:02:56.639
exactly

00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:59.839
for Pete, his main love language is physical touch

00:02:59.839 --> 00:03:02.580
he needs those physical signs of affection...

00:03:02.580 --> 00:03:04.720
like a hug, holding hands, a back rub

00:03:04.720 --> 00:03:07.119
without those, he feels unloved

00:03:07.119 --> 00:03:08.539
almost like he's invisible

00:03:08.539 --> 00:03:11.979
and Patsy, I'm guessing her love language wasn't so much about touch

00:03:11.979 --> 00:03:12.899
you got it

00:03:12.899 --> 00:03:15.639
for Patsy, it was quality time

00:03:15.639 --> 00:03:19.500
spending time with Pete, really talking, sharing experiences

00:03:19.500 --> 00:03:21.380
that's what made her feel loved

00:03:21.460 --> 00:03:24.020
those things meant more to her than any kind of touch

00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:27.339
so they're both trying, but their signals are getting all crossed

00:03:27.339 --> 00:03:28.339
exactly

00:03:28.339 --> 00:03:32.979
and this is where understanding those little things about physical touch is so important

00:03:32.979 --> 00:03:36.899
it's not always about big gestures or being super obvious about affection

00:03:36.899 --> 00:03:40.419
the chapter talks about what Chapman calls implicit touch

00:03:40.419 --> 00:03:44.059
those small everyday gestures that often go unnoticed

00:03:44.059 --> 00:03:45.179
but they really matter

00:03:45.179 --> 00:03:47.020
like what? give me an example

00:03:47.020 --> 00:03:49.759
think about reaching for your partner's hand while you're walking

00:03:49.820 --> 00:03:52.479
or a quick shoulder rub as you pass by

00:03:52.479 --> 00:03:55.880
even just making eye contact and smiling when they're talking to you

00:03:55.880 --> 00:03:57.100
they seem like small things

00:03:57.119 --> 00:03:59.059
but they say a lot about closeness

00:03:59.059 --> 00:04:01.199
about being present, connected

00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:02.740
it's funny you mentioned holding hands

00:04:02.740 --> 00:04:03.860
the book talks about that

00:04:03.860 --> 00:04:06.339
and at first I was like, how cheesy

00:04:06.339 --> 00:04:10.580
but then I thought, you know, there is something really grounding, reassuring

00:04:10.580 --> 00:04:12.100
about that physical connection

00:04:12.100 --> 00:04:13.460
even if it's just for a minute

00:04:13.460 --> 00:04:14.460
exactly

00:04:14.460 --> 00:04:17.239
it's about creating that little bubble of intimacy

00:04:17.239 --> 00:04:18.779
a silent way of saying

00:04:18.779 --> 00:04:20.399
we're in this together

00:04:20.399 --> 00:04:23.380
even with all the craziness of life going on around you

00:04:23.380 --> 00:04:25.079
and those small gestures

00:04:25.079 --> 00:04:26.519
done over and over

00:04:26.519 --> 00:04:28.260
they can actually mean more

00:04:28.260 --> 00:04:30.880
than those big romantic gestures we see every now and then

00:04:30.880 --> 00:04:33.380
it's like, instead of one big bouquet of roses

00:04:33.380 --> 00:04:35.519
you bring your partner their favorite coffee every morning

00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:37.440
one is a grand gesture, yeah

00:04:37.440 --> 00:04:39.959
but the other shows love and care consistently

00:04:39.959 --> 00:04:40.959
exactly

00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:44.279
and this is where we get into explicit versus implicit touch

00:04:44.559 --> 00:04:47.119
explicit is direct, intentional

00:04:47.119 --> 00:04:48.940
like a hug or a kiss

00:04:48.940 --> 00:04:50.179
takes effort... you know

00:04:50.179 --> 00:04:52.079
implicit touch is more about those

00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:54.279
subtle almost unconscious gestures

00:04:54.279 --> 00:04:55.920
that just happen in everyday life

00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:58.420
so Pete was craving that more explicit touch

00:04:58.420 --> 00:05:00.279
those clear signs of affection

00:05:00.279 --> 00:05:03.279
and Patsy, she was showing love through quality time

00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:05.220
and probably some of those implicit touches

00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:06.500
he wasn't picking up on

00:05:06.500 --> 00:05:07.399
exactly

00:05:07.399 --> 00:05:08.760
and neither of them was wrong

00:05:08.760 --> 00:05:10.980
they just weren't speaking the same language

00:05:10.980 --> 00:05:13.500
he needed to learn how to tell her what he needed

00:05:13.579 --> 00:05:15.119
and she needed to understand

00:05:15.119 --> 00:05:17.220
how much those small gestures meant to him

00:05:17.220 --> 00:05:19.579
makes you wonder how many other couples are struggling with this

00:05:19.579 --> 00:05:22.359
totally cool that they're speaking different touch languages

00:05:22.359 --> 00:05:24.119
more than you'd think

00:05:24.119 --> 00:05:26.440
which is why communication and understanding

00:05:26.440 --> 00:05:28.500
are so important in relationships

00:05:28.500 --> 00:05:31.220
we can't expect our partners to read our minds

00:05:31.220 --> 00:05:33.019
we have to learn to say what we need

00:05:33.019 --> 00:05:35.700
and be open to understanding their needs too

00:05:35.700 --> 00:05:37.299
speaking of understanding

00:05:37.299 --> 00:05:39.239
there's another big part of physical touch

00:05:39.239 --> 00:05:40.579
we should talk about

00:05:40.579 --> 00:05:41.660
consent

00:05:41.660 --> 00:05:42.899
absolutely

00:05:42.959 --> 00:05:45.040
just because someone loves physical touch

00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:46.239
it doesn't mean they're okay with

00:05:46.239 --> 00:05:48.019
any kind of touch from anyone

00:05:48.019 --> 00:05:48.820
at any time

00:05:48.820 --> 00:05:51.160
right, it's about respecting boundaries

00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:52.839
what feels good to one person

00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:54.760
might not feel good to another

00:05:54.760 --> 00:05:57.000
the book talks about this with sexual intimacy

00:05:57.000 --> 00:05:58.640
but it goes for all kinds of touch

00:05:58.640 --> 00:05:59.859
exactly

00:05:59.859 --> 00:06:00.859
talking about it is key

00:06:00.859 --> 00:06:02.420
whether it's in the bedroom or not

00:06:02.420 --> 00:06:04.799
it's about paying attention to your partner's responses

00:06:04.799 --> 00:06:06.600
what they like, what they don't like

00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:08.700
and being open to having honest conversations

00:06:08.700 --> 00:06:09.940
about what feels good

00:06:09.940 --> 00:06:12.480
and this goes beyond just romantic relationships, right?

00:06:12.519 --> 00:06:14.100
understanding physical touch

00:06:14.100 --> 00:06:15.399
as a love language

00:06:15.399 --> 00:06:16.480
it can help us understand

00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.540
our friends

00:06:17.540 --> 00:06:18.679
family

00:06:18.679 --> 00:06:19.839
even co-workers

00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:20.920
that's a really good point

00:06:20.920 --> 00:06:22.140
so we've talked about touch

00:06:22.140 --> 00:06:24.739
in romantic relationships but

00:06:24.739 --> 00:06:26.760
how does this physical touch

00:06:26.760 --> 00:06:27.600
love language thing

00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:29.440
how does that work with

00:06:29.440 --> 00:06:30.380
friends, family

00:06:30.380 --> 00:06:31.760
you know, those other relationships

00:06:31.760 --> 00:06:32.380
well, think about it

00:06:32.380 --> 00:06:33.440
you know, that friend

00:06:33.440 --> 00:06:35.500
the one who's always hugging everyone

00:06:35.500 --> 00:06:36.459
or that family member

00:06:36.459 --> 00:06:37.899
who's always got a hand on your shoulder

00:06:37.899 --> 00:06:38.700
patting you on the back

00:06:38.700 --> 00:06:39.540
oh, yeah, totally

00:06:39.540 --> 00:06:40.079
I have a friend

00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:41.640
she's like a professional hugger

00:06:41.640 --> 00:06:42.519
everyone loves her for it

00:06:42.519 --> 00:06:43.359
there you go

00:06:43.359 --> 00:06:44.179
and we might just see that

00:06:44.179 --> 00:06:46.079
as their personality, right?

00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:47.559
but it could be

00:06:47.559 --> 00:06:48.660
that physical touch

00:06:48.660 --> 00:06:49.839
that's their main love language

00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:52.100
is how they naturally show affection

00:06:52.100 --> 00:06:52.839
and for someone else

00:06:52.839 --> 00:06:54.359
who speaks that same language

00:06:54.359 --> 00:06:55.679
those gestures

00:06:55.679 --> 00:06:56.959
they can mean the world

00:06:56.959 --> 00:06:58.160
like they're speaking directly

00:06:58.160 --> 00:06:59.820
to you without even saying a word

00:06:59.820 --> 00:07:00.619
right

00:07:00.619 --> 00:07:02.480
but then on the other hand

00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:04.660
someone who's not big on touch

00:07:04.660 --> 00:07:06.600
those gestures could feel too much

00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:08.540
even if they're coming from a good place

00:07:08.540 --> 00:07:10.880
which brings us right back to consent

00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:12.959
being respectful of people's boundaries

00:07:12.959 --> 00:07:13.579
exactly

00:07:13.579 --> 00:07:14.839
just because someone's touchy-feely

00:07:14.839 --> 00:07:15.480
with some people

00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:16.480
it doesn't mean everyone's gonna be

00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:17.459
okay with that

00:07:17.459 --> 00:07:18.500
it's all about

00:07:18.500 --> 00:07:20.459
respecting individual comfort zones

00:07:20.459 --> 00:07:21.660
so how do we get better

00:07:21.660 --> 00:07:22.720
at recognizing

00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:24.540
these different touch languages

00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:25.380
in ourselves

00:07:25.380 --> 00:07:27.140
and the people we're close to

00:07:27.140 --> 00:07:28.839
it starts with paying attention

00:07:28.839 --> 00:07:31.119
really observing and communicating

00:07:31.119 --> 00:07:33.040
see how people react to touch

00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:34.299
the good and the bad

00:07:34.299 --> 00:07:35.820
notice what they respond to

00:07:35.820 --> 00:07:37.200
what makes them pull back

00:07:37.200 --> 00:07:39.160
so like learning any new language

00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:40.040
you got to pay attention

00:07:40.200 --> 00:07:41.040
to the little cues

00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:42.880
the nonverbal signals

00:07:42.880 --> 00:07:43.559
Yeah

00:07:43.559 --> 00:07:44.679
Just like with any language

00:07:44.679 --> 00:07:46.339
we might misinterpret things

00:07:46.339 --> 00:07:48.040
make mistakes along the way

00:07:48.440 --> 00:07:49.679
but the important thing

00:07:49.679 --> 00:07:51.119
is to be open to learning

00:07:51.119 --> 00:07:52.839
to adjusting how we do things

00:07:52.839 --> 00:07:54.279
this has been so eye-opening

00:07:54.279 --> 00:07:54.839
honestly

00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:55.720
I'm looking at something

00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:56.660
I thought I understood

00:07:56.660 --> 00:07:57.880
in a whole new way

00:07:57.880 --> 00:07:58.920
that's the thing about

00:07:58.920 --> 00:08:00.980
digging deeper into these ideas, right?

00:08:01.440 --> 00:08:03.019
we start to see the world

00:08:03.019 --> 00:08:04.399
and our relationships

00:08:04.399 --> 00:08:05.779
from a fresh perspective

00:08:05.779 --> 00:08:06.899
it really makes you think about

00:08:06.899 --> 00:08:08.079
how much we communicate

00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:09.480
without even realizing it

00:08:09.480 --> 00:08:10.440
exactly

00:08:10.440 --> 00:08:11.079
touch

00:08:11.079 --> 00:08:12.839
it's just one part of communication

00:08:12.839 --> 00:08:14.119
but it's a powerful one

00:08:14.440 --> 00:08:15.640
and when we understand

00:08:15.640 --> 00:08:16.839
what it all means

00:08:17.179 --> 00:08:18.720
we can build stronger

00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:19.760
closer connections

00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:21.140
with the people around us

00:08:21.140 --> 00:08:22.299
well said

00:08:22.299 --> 00:08:23.480
and on that note

00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:24.859
as we wrap up this deep dive

00:08:24.859 --> 00:08:25.940
into the power of touch

00:08:25.940 --> 00:08:27.279
I'm left wondering

00:08:27.279 --> 00:08:28.239
what if we all

00:08:28.239 --> 00:08:30.200
try to be more aware of touch

00:08:30.200 --> 00:08:30.760
giving it

00:08:30.760 --> 00:08:31.279
receiving it

00:08:31.279 --> 00:08:32.239
in ways that feel good

00:08:32.239 --> 00:08:33.260
and feel right

00:08:33.260 --> 00:08:34.799
how would that change our interactions

00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:36.059
even in small ways?

00:08:36.059 --> 00:08:37.400
something to think about

00:08:37.400 --> 00:08:38.520
until next time