In this episode of AI Love Lab, we dive into the fourth love language from The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service. Learn how small gestures of helping out around the house or taking care of the little things can speak volumes of love. Discover how the simple act of doing things your spouse appreciates can fill their emotional love tank. We’ll explore real-life stories and practical examples of how even a shift in mindset can bring profound changes to a relationship. Tune in to understand why actions sometimes speak louder than words in love.
Transcript
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ever like put your all into doing something nice for someone, you know, something you
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thought they'd appreciate and it just like, falls flat.
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It's like, were we even speaking the same love language, which hey perfect segue because
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today we are diving into, get this, acts of service as a love language.
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Oh, love it.
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Straight from the source Gary Chatman's the Five Love Languages.
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And trust me, this stuff is gold.
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It really is.
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And sometimes you think you're saying I love you loud and clear, but the message gets totally
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muddled.
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Lost in translation.
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Exactly.
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And to illustrate this whole acts of service thing, I've got a story for you.
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Alright.
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Picture this.
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Small town, young couple, Mark and Mary seeking a little, shall we say, marital guidance.
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Right.
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They're sitting there under a china berry tree after church, looking all serious and
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such.
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Oh I know the scene well.
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The thing is, both these lovebirds, they thrive on acts of service, but their marriage.
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Yeah, not so much.
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Oh.
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I know that's interesting.
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So what's the deal?
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You'd think they'd be a match made in, well, under the china berry tree heaven.
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You would, wouldn't you?
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But see this where those love language dialects come into play.
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Dialects.
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Oh yeah even within the same love language you've got your variations, those subtle nuances
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and how we express and understand acts of service.
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It sounds like you can speak Spanish, but your slang gives away where you're really
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from.
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Exactly.
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What's super meaningful to one person might barely register with another.
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Okay.
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So spill the tea on Marc and Mary.
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What kind of miscommunications were they having?
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All right.
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So for Mary acts of service, they were all about easing the load.
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You know, practical stuff.
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Think helping with the baby, keeping the house tidy.
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Just those little everyday things.
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It's how she saw her own parents express love.
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So naturally she's craving that same kind of thoughtfulness from Mark.
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Makes total sense.
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So what was Mark's take on acts of service then?
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Okay, so Mark.
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He connected acts of service with a feeling, right?
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Like, that feeling of being welcomed and cared for after he walks in the door after a long
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day at the mill.
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Oh, I like that.
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Imagine.
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Spotless house.
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Dinner aromas wafting through the air.
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Just like his Mama used to make.
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Oh, so it's that whole cozy honey I'm home vibe.
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Exactly.
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He wants to feel pampered, taken care of.
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That's his love language dialect.
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So two totally different approaches to the same language.
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I can see where this is going.
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Oh, yeah.
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And here's where the trouble starts.
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See, Mark, with his background and all, he equates a tidy home with love.
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Because his wife values him, right?
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But Mary, she's over there craving a true partner, someone to share the load.
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And feeling kind of unseen when he doesn't teach him.
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Exactly.
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Resentment builds.
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Misunderstandings.
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You know, the drill.
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So you've got these two well-meaning people, both fluent in acts of service.
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But they're reading from different dictionaries.
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Different dictionaries.
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Different expectations.
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Recipe for disaster.
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It's like they're both trying to read the subtitles, but they're in different languages.
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Exactly.
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And this, my friend, is where decoding those love language nuances is key.
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It's not just enough to know the general category.
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Right.
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Got to dig deeper.
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Find those little dialects.
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Exactly.
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So for our guy, Chapman, he gives us the tools.
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Yeah.
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He's all about hold on, acts of service is not just ticking off chores on a list.
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There's more to it.
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Way more.
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He's talking about like conveying a message, but through action.
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You know?
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No.
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Meaningful action.
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Meaningful action.
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OK.
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So it's got to be something that really lands, really speaks to the other person.
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You got it.
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It's about what makes this person feel truly loved and appreciated, which might be totally
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different from what you want, right?
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And it's also like step one, figuring out what actually matters to them.
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Exactly.
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He even gives some examples in the book, like washing the car, changing diapers, even something
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as simple as making the bed.
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OK.
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Those don't sound like revolutionary.
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Yeah, but it's not about the task, right?
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It's the message underneath it all.
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Yeah.
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Like, hey.
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I see your efforts, I want to lighten your load.
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So it's about saying, I love you with like dish soap and a sponge.
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Sometimes.
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Yeah.
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But seriously, think about Mark and Mary.
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It's not just about him doing chores.
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It's about him showing Mary he's a true partner.
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Sharing the weight of it all.
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Yes.
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And for Mark, it's about Mary creating that homey haven he craves, right?
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Dinner's ready, his favorite chair's waiting.
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It's like speaking his language but through actions instead of words.
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Exactly.
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Understanding what speaks to each other's hearts is crucial.
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So, we circle back to those dialects, right?
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Because one person's chore is another person's love note, basically.
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100 percent.
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Mark, that's why just saying what you need is so key.
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You know.
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Chapman, he suggests turning those criticisms into requests.
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Like, instead of, ugh, you never do the dishes.
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Right, more like, hey honey, would you mind helping with the dishes tonight?
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It would really mean a lot to me.
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Totally different vibe, right.
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Night and day.
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Yeah.
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Suddenly you're inviting collaboration, not starting a fight.
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And don't forget those little things, right?
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Huge, the little consistent gestures, powerful stuff because it creates a pattern, builds
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that foundation of love and support over time.
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It's like, the little things add up, right?
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They really do.
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But figuring out what those little things are, that's the tricky part.
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It's true.
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It's not like there's a universal handbook for this stuff.
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Not at all.
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It's about tuning in, paying attention, really listening to your person.
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Because those dialects, they get so specific, so personal, right?
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It's not just like, oh, they like when I do the dishes.
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It's deeper than that.
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Way deeper.
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It's about what speaks to their soul.
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What makes them feel truly seen.
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Yeah, and it's different for everyone.
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Totally.
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Like some folks, they just need that coffee ready in the morning.
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You know, sets the tone for the whole day.
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Oh, for sure.
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And for others.
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Maybe it's about having a calm organized workspace.
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It's about creating that feeling of like, okay, I can breathe now.
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Yes.
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And it reminds me, you know, I knew this couple once.
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They had this whole system for loading the dishwasher.
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It was the most particular thing you've ever seen.
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Like, nobody else could understand it.
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But it worked for them.
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Oh, totally.
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Because it wasn't about the dishes.
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Right?
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It was about respecting each other's quirks.
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Showing love through those tiny unspoken gestures.
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It's like their own secret language.
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Exactly.
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And that's what it's all about.
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Right?
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Finding those special acts of service.
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The ones that resonate deep down, even if nobody else gets it.
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So as we wrap up this deep dive on acts of service, let's bring it back to you listening
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right now.
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Think about your own relationships.
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When do you feel most loved?
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Is it when someone lends a hand?
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Or takes care of something without you even asking?
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Or maybe it's something totally different.
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And how about you?
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How do you express love through those acts of service?
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What comes naturally?
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Once you see those patterns, you can really start communicating on a deeper level.
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It's like you're speaking the same language, but even better, you understand each other's
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accents, you know?
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Love that.
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Usually it's about connection, understanding, and those little acts of love that speak volumes.
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So as you go about your day, keep your eyes peeled for those little opportunities, those
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chances to show love through action.
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You never know how much it might means to someone.
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So true.
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Sometimes those small gestures, they make all the difference.
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